Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
