The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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