There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
