she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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