she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
