Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Apparently you make a good broom.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
