Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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