We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
