The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize