I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
