Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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