Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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