sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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