Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
