I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
