From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
