FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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