I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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