I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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