wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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