do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
