two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
