i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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