I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
