South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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