oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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