I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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