just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
