Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
