Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so let's talk penis.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
