Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize