I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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