Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
