my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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