my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
