The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
