After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
