problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
