why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
