you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
