apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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