i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
