I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
