on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He better not be in your backpack
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
