swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
