Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize