I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i believe in u and ur pee
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
