I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
