when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
