i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
