Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
