how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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