oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
