Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
