I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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