I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
