if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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