Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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