come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
