did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
