You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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