Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
