I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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