She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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