last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
