Where did you get a picture of my penis
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Quick, to the slutcave!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
