Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
