I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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