have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
