I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
