i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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