you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
